the rest of the quote

so, looks like i'm a blogger now. i don't capitalize after punctuation, i rarely capitalize pronouns and overall, my grammar is shaky. i'm not really here to captivate you with my engaging thoughts or witty social satire (which i much enjoy)... but if either of the two aforementioned occurs, great! so, when i'm walking down the street i often find myself thinking in "script" form. i'll find myself in my car or on a run writing an essay about a certain topic. i'm not sure if this is due to the immense amount of writing i've had to do through most of my schooling, or, if like my brother and mother - i enjoy self expression through writing and this form of processing comes naturally. notice that "natural" doesn't mean "good." =) i also find myself engrossed in all the works of c.s. lewis. while sometimes struggling to follow clive, i usually end up finding myself captivated. this theme of struggle followed by captivation or connection has happened in mere christianity, surprised by joy, through the shadowlands, a grief observed, and, my personal favorite - till we have faces. and i guess that's not so different from life, really. the struggle followed by the assurance? hm, i'm not sure about that yet. but, in the world of me and c.s. that's how it usually goes. the following excerpt is from till we have faces, toward the end of the book when orual is reflecting on her time with the fox and the gods:

"'Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than that which you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.' A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be forced to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like been saying over and over, you'll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, not let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"

what gets me here is "the speech which was lain at the center of your soul for years" - i wonder what that speech is in myself, you, in each one of us. would it be surprising to find that it's all very similar? there's something profound in the unspoken, in the un-utterable. and i do believe there is a longing in each of us - to quit the babbling and expose our face. our pore-filled, all-exposing, asymmetric face. i'm not sure, but i leave this passage thinking - who and what am i costing through my unwillingness to meet face to face?

so, there's the rest of the quote because c.s. lewis was a good man and his writings point to an even greater one. 

peace for now.