more to come...

so i've been hesitant to post lately - partly because i have been filtering my thoughts...

i've decided to let go of that. expect more on here in the next few days.

psalm 15

"who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?

who may enter your presence on your holy hill?

those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,

speaking truth from sincere hearts.

those who refuse to slander others 

or harm their neighbors 

or speak evil of their friends.

those who despise persistent sinners, 

and honor the faithful followers of the

Lord 

and keep their promises even when it hurts.

those who do not charge interest on the 

money the lend, and who refuse to accept bribes to

testify against the innocent.

such people will stand firm forever." - psalm 15

love is...

i heard a really good sermon today about the love portrayed between Naomi and Ruth. It wasn't the typical moral to the relationship between these two women - you know, the typical passage that's read at weddings "where you go, i will go... your god will be my god" stuff... it focused more on the servant love that is expressed between the two.

Naomi, moving from severe self-interest and wallowing to other-focused, looking to protect and make sure Ruth was taken of in future circumstance. Ruth, in turn, protecting and caring for Naomi through her marriage to Boaz which cemented Naomi's future care - but also Ruth's posisble pain (being a widow for the second time, not having children). The message really focused on service to one another and the fact that love is costly.

I agree that love is costly, love is sacrificial. One thing the pastor mentioned is that people usually help others "to a point" and then resist. While I understand the need to urge people past this point, I also know, from personal experience the detrimental ramifications of going past this point. The question for me, I guess, is "what does healthy love look like?" I often worry I will enter the realm that is unhealthy - that, if I go passed the point, to the degree that I lose sight of myself, God... -  There have been circumstances where, out of love initially, people have been hurt, manipulated, burnt out, etc. So while we need to push some, perhaps we need to pull back others? I don't know the answer to this. I mean, as far as love goes, Christ gave his life - so should I be willing to give my life for another out of this same love? Maybe it's that I don't realize what I truly take on when deciding to love others, and really don't realize what it truly means to love God with my life. But these are all good questions to ponder - questions that don't need to be answered... my pursuit to love God with my life presses on admist the questioning, and that's a good thing. 

I've also been wondering about marriage today in light of this sermon. If our responsibility as Christians is to love, to love others through service, and for this love to pertain to all people... what distinguishes this love from "marriage love" (if it is, in fact, different?) What really is the purpose of marriage? To serve one another in the pursuit of glorifying God? Isn't that what we are supposed to be doing with everyone? I'm not dissing marriage by any means... I'm just wondering what this means for me. I've been in a relationship where, through my love for another person, lost sight of God, lost sight of others, and maybe even lost sight of myself - and this was all in the pursuit of glorifying God through such love. Maybe I think it just gets messy when we add another person into the equation... but maybe that's not the case when it's the right person. Is it that we love our spouses more than others? Or is it that two people in marriage have really found their service to God is strengthened by being united in Him, so enter into a covenant together? 

I need to love better and I'm trying to figure out what that means... peace.

take a sad song and make it better

so i've been mildly obsessed with the movie, across the universe for the past few weeks. whether it's the casting, the music, the camera angles or all three - i really find myself pulled into the story and mostly the passion of the music. i've decided to quote my favorite lines from the movie, along with my favorite lyrics from the film. if you haven't seen it, it's a musical which uses songs of the beatles exclusively. delicious. 

"there's nothing you can make that can't be made

no one you can save that can't be saved

nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time

it's easy..."

"living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.

it's getting hard to be someone but it all works out... it doesn't matter much to me.

...always no sometimes thin it's me, but you know i know when it's a dream.

i think i know i mean, hey yes, but it's all wrong. 

that is i think i disagree."

"any time you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain

don't carry the world upon your shoulders

for well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool

by making his world a little colder."

"you say you want a revolution? well you know... we all wanna change the world.

you tell me that it's evolution... well you know... we all wanna change the world

but when you talk about destruction don't you know that you can count me out...

you know it's gonna be alright... 

you tell me it's the institution... well you know - you better free your mind instead.

don't know you know it's going to be alright..."

"you're asking me will my love grow?

i don't know... i don't know.

you stick around now it may show...

i don't know... i don't know." 

"i don't know why nobody told you

how to unfold your love

i don't know how someone controlled you

they bought and sold you

i look at the world and i notice it's turning

while my guitar gently weeps

with every mistake we must surely be learning

still my guitar gently weeps..."

"and when the broken hearted people living in this world agree

there will be an answer, let it be.

for though they may be parted

there is still a chance that they will see, 

there will be an answer, let it be...

and when the night is cloudy, 

there is till a light that shines on me...

shine until tomorrow, let it be..."

"images of broken light which 

dance before me like a million eyes

that call me on and on across the universe...

thoughts meander like a 

restless wind inside a letter box

they tumble blindly as they make their way

across the universe

nothing's gonna change my world..."

"had it been another day

i might have looked the other way

and i'd have never been aware

but as it i'll dream of her tonight, di-di-di-di'ndi...

falling, yes i am falling..."

"cause i've been in love before

and i've found that love was more, 

than just holding hands...

if i trust in you, 

oh please, don't run and hide.

if i love you too,

oh please, don't hurt my pride like her...

cause i couldn't stand the pain.

and i, would be sad if out new love was in vain,

so i hope you see, 

that i would love to love you"

"would you believe in a love at first sight?

yeah... i'm certain it happens all the time."

"black bird fly into the light of the dark black night"

"she loves you... yeah, yeah, yeah - she loves you."

this feels very eighth grader-ish - writing my favorite lyrics, but these are the lines that stick out to me in the movie... whether it was because of the inflection of the singer's voice, their facial expression, the specific feel of their voice, or what have you - in some way they are more than lyrics. 

music can be mysterious - the reaction of the listener, the intention of the singer, the mutual yet totally separate experience of both parties - hearing, feeling the same, or maybe not the same message, lyric, under and overtones, the art form unique to each person. i guess i love something that can be so universal and still so personal. how is it that some stranger's combination of music and lyrics can make me cry, make me smile, make me be hopeful? the above lyrics do just that... make me cry, smile, hope... sometimes all at once, and sometimes not. i love it.

you know it's going to be alright...