so i've been thinking a lot this week - about a lot of stuff without ample time to organize my thoughts. so - this is bound to be jumbled but that's how my brain usually goes =)

i had a really interesting conversation with a professor yesterday evening about what it's like to be a christian at an ivy league school. i've had this conversation with a number of people - pastors, other profs, some peers at school and it all cases it's been a good topic of thought and critique.

i went to a small christian college for my undergraduate studies. a lot of people may consider this college to be somehow sub-par because... "christian colleges are just bible schools... right?" wrong. it may come as a surprise to some that i feel i have found more open-mindedness at a small christian school than at a well known, and shall i say, progressive - ivy league. i guess i came to grad school with the naive view that "liberal" was synonymous with "open-minded." now, that was a false assumption on my part and i'll own that - but still, i've been surprised with the ways in which i have felt misunderstood and even perhaps labeled in an atmosphere that promotes cultural sensitivity.

i don't mean to share this to "dis" my graduate program. i love the program i am in along with the people in it. i bring it up to purely make a point that i feel not a lot of people are talking about. religion, faith, one's belief - whatever you want to call it - is a part of cultural, yes? yes. i'd say so. so - why don't we have a class offered on it? when we talk about "cultural considerations" why is "religion" usually last on that list - if on the list at all? why do i hear the assumption that the average american is white, middle class, christian? really? the average american? then i guess i'm a different kind of christian... i'm not going to deny the ways in which christians have perverted and skewed the words and actions of Christ. i'm not going to deny that the "squeaky wheels" of christianity have in some ways allowed, if not encouraged injustice in many forms. it sickens me, really. so now, maybe you can understand why i take issue with lumping christians together. i'm going to be honestly blunt and pose this - if i ever said that all asians were the same or all african americans were the same - i'd be berated. some people may counter, "well that's not the same, you're (christianity) is not the minority religion/culture." while i can understand the surface logic of that statement - i have to disagree. i don't know a lot of people (at least enough to say the majority of american society) who are trying to walk in the actual steps of Christ. who struggle with the tensions of adhering to truths while striving to be relevant in a postmodern society. Christ was not the majority, and neither are his followers. i struggle with these tensions every single day as do a lot of my friends. knowing that i am a witness of Christ - i need to be cautious and thoughtful about how i approach issues, people, and all the number of things people encounter throughout the day - because i am not looking to point to myself, i am looking to point to something Greater and Holy.  when you pair that with the fact that i am (and other christians) are up against the perversion and damage done by many not-so-christian christians, the struggle becomes exacerbated. here's an example - 

so, i'm in a counseling program and i hope to be a licensed professional counselor at some point in my life. now, let's take the topic of homosexuality...

what does it look like for the "christian" counselor in the agency to honestly and ethically say she's not sure she can counsel a person who identifies as homosexual? are the assumptions going to be, "yeah, just like all the other christians, she hates gays" or "she must be against gay rights"? those are the assumptions i fear because they're wrong, but they are easily said and not so easily disputed. now, as a counselor it is my ethical job to provide best practice to clients - and not knowing where i stand on the topic of homosexuality is, in my opinion, a good reason to refer a client who is homosexual as i may not provide the best therapeutic support. however, my struggle is disregarded and a stereotype is placed. there's a concept called "stereotype threat" or something to that nature - and it refers to the struggle and anxiety racial minorities feel about potentially fulfilling a stereotype of their perceived culture. i feel that same anxiety - my faith is the most salient aspect of my identity and the anxiety or tension felt in real and it is deep.

i bring all of this up - just to provoke conversation or thought. luckily, my graduate program is a place where i feel comfortable to talk about these issues - yet, i rarely do so. being a christian is supposed to be everything but easy - and i'm finding that to be very true. i guess i just want to support the struggle of each person - to strive to understand where we all come from and where we all want to go. to be honest, i want support for my struggle too. because when it comes down to it - we're not really going to get anywhere as a society until we learn how to listen to each other, until we can consider another point of view without having our own agenda. to hear and see people in terms of them rather than in terms of ourselves. if you're struggling - embrace the journey and tell someone. sharing in our struggles may prove to be our largest strength... just a thought.

peace.